He Blogs Behind Bars

Chair fail

2010-08-13T01:30:00.001-05:00

Don't fall out of your chair but I'm posting...although it may be a somewhat fate-sealing post:

http://ideapumpkin.blogspot.com/

4th and 5th wheel

2007-10-31T22:19:00.001-06:00

Having your wheelchair strapped to your Harley is great for when you become paralyzed in a traffic accident. It's there and ready to go right when you need it. Let's just hope the wheelchair doesn't get damaged cause then you'd be up the creek without a paddle and we don't want that.

The violin is TOO a brass instrument

2006-10-01T00:37:00.000-05:00

HistoryWired: A few of our favorite things

Take a look!

Parrot Kabobs

2006-09-18T21:00:00.000-05:00

NO CITGO GAS

2006-09-10T09:16:00.000-05:00

I saw this sign on the bulletin board in a parts store in Greenville, TX. It was apparently put there by the management as it was posted behind the counter. Kind of bizarre. In case the fine print is hard to read, it says, "CITGO GAS COMES FROM VENESUALA AND THE COMPANY WILL NOT SUPPORT THE DICTATOR IN THAT COUNTRY." Please note that Venezuela is misspelled. I asked the cashier about it and he mumbled something about some kind of corporate relations. The reason the sign drew my attention was the unprofessionality and corniness of it. It doesn't have the logo or letterhead for the parts store chain and is very poorly written. More like a wild rant than an actual posting. While the lone cashier was on the phone I stepped a little behind the counter and snapped this photo with my cell phone. You can rely on me to risk my life to bring you important news.

2006-09-08T10:59:00.000-05:00

Instruments, players separated by air security rules�|�Oddly Enough�|�Reuters.com

2006-08-22T20:13:00.000-05:00

Instruments, players separated by air security rules��Oddly Enough��Reuters.com

Jobs on your car no one else will do

2006-08-22T18:05:00.000-05:00

Cold News Agency - The Department of "I miss the Homeland" Security has released a new study which shows the benefits to ordinary Americans when illegal Mexican immigrants drive without insurance or with fake insurance cards. The study followed what were gingerly referred to by the Department as "500 moist-backs" which were tracked through extensive cell phone eavesdropping in a joint effort with the NSA. "First off, we just want to highlight the benefit to us all when illegals use the money that they could have used to buy car insurance to buy cell phones and ground effects for their 1983 Monte Carlos," said Department spokeswoman Pam Nesty. "Number one, we can spot them a mile away. Number two, we can eavesdrop on their calls."

In this study, the illegals' driving habits and the benefits to hard working American citizens were examined with astonishing results. The study showed that 9 times out of 10 there is less traffic stoppage in the event of an collision when Hispanic illegals flee the scene of an accident they cause. "Look at it this way: One banged up car in the middle of the road is better than two." said Nesty. "At least the traffic can get through." Even environmentalists were on the list of those benefited as the study showed that many illegal Latinos print their fake insurance cards on recycled paper.

Another item of interest in this groundbreaking research was that the fact that illegal Mexicans often offer up-front cash in recompense for an accident for which they were at fault. Betsy Sue Lee in El Paso recounts her moving story in a documented interview in the study: "I was wondering where our car insurance payment was gonna come from. My husband lost his job to an illegal with a fake Social Security number and our car insurance was about to be terminated when here comes this drunken Mexican illegal immigrant running the stop sign and broadsiding my truck. But what an answer to prayer it was when he offered me $100 up front for the damage. That's just $50 short of our insurance payment! Just wait 'til I tell my husband."

The contents of this article are in no way meant to keep from offending anyone and certainly haven't an ounce of truth to them. If you or anyone else misconstrues this article as being meant to even remotely represent a warped version of the truth or a bizarre actual happening, you may need your head examined. Generous donations are accepted.

2006-08-10T16:00:00.000-05:00

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2006-04-18T00:19:00.000-05:00

Wanna Bannana?

2006-04-10T14:52:00.000-05:00

I just thought that I would show you this rotten bannana. Don't you hate that when you buy bannanas and then you just are never in a bannana mood that week? I felt guilty, so I ate it anyway. Not so bad if you follow it with a shot of ginger ale.

A Ditty 4 You - Home

2006-03-24T00:44:00.000-06:00

A Ditty 4 You - Home

Hilarious videos. Absolutely hilarious. (I can't vouch for 100% of the content, and definetly not the wholesome value of the songs -- HA HA HA! You'll see what I mean!)

2006-03-20T08:27:00.000-06:00

I am the zombie truck! Muuuhah ha ha ha haaaa...

2006-03-09T23:04:00.000-06:00

No, this truck is not a zombie truck about to have a head-on-collision with me, but I have to admit that I thought that for a split second when I first saw it. It is being towed. Isn't that weird though?

Word of the day: Esophogealgastroduodenoscopy

2006-03-05T12:17:00.000-06:00

define: Esophogealgastroduodenoscopy - Google Search

My Opinion of NetFlix - February 23, 2006

2006-02-25T00:35:00.000-06:00

My Opinion of NetFlix - February 23, 2006

Our Netflix account has slown to a crawl since my last posts.

I think we may cancel our account.

Four Charged for Selling Body Parts

2006-02-24T16:32:00.000-06:00

Four Charged for Selling Body Parts

They were supposed to be enbalming the bodies. Instead they were ripping them open, extracting bones and replacing them with PVC pipes!!! Sick!

CIA chief sacked for opposing torture - World - Times Online

2006-02-19T00:59:00.000-06:00

CIA chief sacked for opposing torture - World - Times Online

CatStuff: Cat Facts and Trivia

2006-02-19T00:05:00.000-06:00

Interesting stuff, actually.

Netflix is being sick, again

2006-02-16T10:34:00.000-06:00

Last time I wrote about Netflix, I mentioned that Netflix was taking people for ride. Not me. Just other people. That has changed. They are taking me for a ride, too. They have now begun to delay our shipments. I guess we thought that when they said "unlimited," they weren't lying. Wrong. They lied. Funny thing, me and a bunch of other people that I have read about had amazing, quick delivery at when we first signed up. Now, everybody's shipments are delayed just because of our loyalty. It used to take like one or two days for Netflix to acknowledge that they received our DVD in the mail, now it takes a week! Is it a coincidence that me and a bunch of other people get fast shipments in the beginning, and then as time goes on we get throttled?

2006-02-14T16:55:00.000-06:00

2006-02-14T09:12:00.000-06:00

2006-02-13T22:00:00.000-06:00

Hunt County

2006-02-11T18:06:00.000-06:00

The restaurants in my area are sickening. Check it out:

Hunt County

Netflix Throttle logo for all

2006-02-11T16:18:00.000-06:00

Netflix Throttle

Oops

2006-02-11T16:01:00.000-06:00

Oops. Got a little trigger happy, there.

Netflix takes their most loyal, high volume customers for a ride

2006-02-11T15:12:00.000-06:00

Roving reporter who is too lazy to rove:

If you are a low volume Netflix account holder and don't request over 11 DVDs per month, then don't worry about reading this. Quit worrying and go to some sort of online game site. However, if you are a high volume Netflix customer, you may not be one much longer. Chances are, you are frustrated with them for punishing you for your loyal business.

Netflix is a service that let's you rent "unlimited" DVDs per month (2 or 3 at a time) by mail, at a flat fee. 1. Order them. 2. Watch them. 3. Send them back postage paid. 4. Get the next ones. Repeat as necessary -- as many times as you can fit in one month. Late fees are a thing of the past.

PROBLEM: Netflix delays shipment of the more popular movies if you are a high volume customer (over 11 DVDs per month) People call it "throttling." Netflix calls it "smoothing." Hmmmmmmmm.

Read all about it here.

Well, anyway... We have a Netflix account and are low volume customers. So, your roving reporter decided to call up Netflix and ask 'em about it. Yup. And what a phone call it was. First, I sweetly and simply told the customer service dude that I was calling about the news article (Yahoo) about throttling. He suddenly became extremely defensive and talked in a very loud, quick, and perhaps angry manner. This surprised me as I meant to at least start things off in a civilized manner. He talked a long time and said that Netflix has "never tried to hide the fact that they delay the shipment of movies to high volume customers." Speaking in a controlled manner, I gently injected the poison and asked him when their Terms of Use agreement changed, and if they had hidden this from their customers before the Terms of Use was updated. He got upset and said that everything I needed to know was in the article. He said that he was "not in a position to answer this" and expressed concern that I might be recording the conversation. I didn't record it BTW.

After more talk I told him that I thought that some people felt that they were treating their new customers well and treating the more long term loyal customers like a bunch of trash. His responses to this were the most interesting of all. He said, "Most of the customers I have talked to just feel like those people ([high volume customers]) just need to get a life." His attitude insinuated that he agreed with the idea that his high volume customers are just stupid! In other words, he could care less about his loyal high volume customers. That's nice. What a sweety.

His next little antic was to impart a pearl or two of wisdom to me: "You know, it's not what America can do for you, but what you can do for America." Huh? Does this sound like someone who has any grasp on what the term customer service means? Let me translate for him, as I am bilingual in English/moron: "You know, it's not what Netflix can do for it's customers, but what it's customers can do for it."

He then said: "Some people just have this idea -- all they can think about is me, me, me, me!" Wow. I mean he is of course right, but what kind of customer service attitude is that? So his high volume customers who pay Netflix $17.99 per month are just selfish???!!! Gimmie a break!

How to tell someone they have bad breath? Use Bad Breath-O-Gram

2006-01-30T19:29:00.000-06:00

How to tell someone they have bad breath? Use Bad Breath-O-Gram

1 Mile over

2006-01-29T01:01:00.000-06:00

Ott ott ott...Going ONE mile over the speed limit. Tisk tisk. Didn't even know Hope's Tempo could go that fast. Actually it's running pretty well after having been revived from months of inaction.

2006-01-24T00:06:00.000-06:00

2006-01-24T00:04:00.000-06:00

2006-01-23T11:50:00.000-06:00

I just caught this driving down the road in Caddo Mills. It just fell over! I stopped and took pics and ask the guy inside what happened. It is a privately owned gas station. He didn't seem to enjoy talking about it. He said it just fell down. I asked him if anyone was hurt and he said no.

Your reporter of the insignificant yet not trivial,

James

Snake(s) named "We"

2006-01-23T11:39:00.000-06:00

Click here for the story

2006-01-23T11:37:00.000-06:00

Well it's good to back to the land of blogging! Is that some kind of lousy excuse for being gone, as well as an oath of loyalty to blog constantly and out of my mind? No! But it is a greeting from a deranged yet proud father who has been otherwise occupied. That little boy is mine and I'm so excited! Isn't he great?! His name is Patrick.

I have so many things to tell with so little time that am willing to waste on you all. Let me just tell you that after getting a camera phone and a new PC I plan to be sharing some zany pics with you as I photo blog from the road. Let me go get one for you. Bye!!!

Two-Headed Snake for Sale for $150,000 - Yahoo! News

2006-01-06T22:39:00.000-06:00

Two-Headed Snake for Sale for $150,000 - Yahoo! News

Yeah, baby

2005-11-21T14:47:00.000-06:00

Our baby is due any day now and I am very excited! Will it be a boy or girl??! Yes! It will! When's the due date? The midwife says Nov 24. I say the due date is Dec 3. That's the day I am scheduled to play a solo with the Dallas Bach Society. That's OK. But if the baby comes on Dec third, I will name him Murphy, after Murphy's law. Oh -- or Murphia. Murphietta??

11-25-05 Edited hotlink above. It now works.

2005-11-03T20:33:00.000-06:00

2005-10-31T13:30:00.000-06:00

2005-10-28T07:09:00.000-05:00

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2005-10-24T18:37:00.000-05:00

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2005-10-17T18:40:00.000-05:00

2005-10-17T18:33:00.000-05:00

2005-10-15T14:47:00.000-05:00

2005-07-18T09:31:00.000-05:00

Check this out...(turn your volume up)

2005-07-14T23:50:00.000-05:00

http://www.xanga.com/home.aspx?user=chexfan2000

2005-07-12T12:17:00.000-05:00

Come on peeps...

2005-07-10T11:16:00.000-05:00

Really. Why don't you ever read my wife and cat's blogs? They are really inneresting! Now get yourself over there and leave her some comments. I said now.

They're in "My Faves" in the sidebar, or use this...

http://hopisblog.blogspot.com/

http://solomonsblog.blogspot.com/

Bookmark it, kids.

2005-07-08T17:34:00.000-05:00

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2005-07-05T16:34:00.000-05:00

Fire works.

2005-07-02T01:15:00.000-05:00

Odds of body parts in food? Not good

2005-07-01T13:17:00.000-05:00

Odds of body parts in food? Not good - Food Inc. - MSNBC.com

2005-06-30T11:39:00.000-05:00

2005-06-30T11:38:00.000-05:00

2005-06-28T00:04:00.000-05:00

The Big Bad Blogger Boy

2005-06-27T21:29:00.000-05:00

2005-05-20T17:10:00.000-05:00

2005-05-16T18:59:00.000-05:00

CNN.com - Brain damaged for 10 years, firefighter makes astounding recovery - May 3, 2005

2005-05-03T20:45:00.001-05:00

CNN.com - Brain damaged for 10 years, firefighter makes astounding recovery - May 3, 2005

U.S. Hospitals Called No Better on Patient Safety - CME Teaching Brief - MedPage Today

2005-05-03T20:45:00.000-05:00

U.S. Hospitals Called No Better on Patient Safety - CME Teaching Brief - MedPage Today

Into another dementsion

2005-04-29T16:51:00.000-05:00

It's time for part 3 of our Wake Up Time Story. If you haven't read Part 1 or Part 2, take a look.

In our last episode, we left our zero between what seemed like a Iraq and a hard place. Not only were laser guns shooting up through his window, but the door to his room had just burst open!...

Barry went tp squeeze the trigger but was blinded with a bluish light. Barry felt an excruciating burning numbness in all three fingers of his hand. Ooooooh, it hurt. "Barry!" came a loud whisper. "Huh?" "Barry! It isn't even midnight yet! Look what you did! We've got to get out of here now!" Barry didn't know Sofia was capable of getting mad, but apparently so. "Sofia! look what you did to my fingers!" "You almost killed me though, Barry. Never mind that, let's scram!" Sofia took Barry firmly by his bad hand. Ouch. Then Sofia used her free hand to put away her ray gun, and get out her cell. With lasers flashing all around them, Barry kind of wondered what was up with Sofia playing video games on her cell phone. His fingers hurt too much to care other than to say: "Um, I thought we were outta here." Right then Barry felt himself and Sofia being sucked right into the cell phone. "Wooa!" They were warped right in to the cell phone, and onto the internet!!! All Barry could see were big squares, dot com's, and giant 0's and 1's everywhere! Things seemed to whirl past them at the speed of light! "Where are we?" "We are in cyberspace, Barry! Hoooold oooon tiiiiiight!" "How did we get in here?!" "I sent us as an email attachment on my phone." "Coooooooooooool..." After several more minutes of cruising the super highway in their awesome convertible email, they suddenly came to a screeching halt. "Oh great..." muttered Sofia under her breath. "...virus check!"

"Alright. Outta the car, you two. Virus scan time." "Just play it cool, don't give them your real name," whispered Sofia. Barry and Sofia stepped out of the vehicle. "What's your name, kid?" Barry didn't want to lie. Then he remembered that he could use his middle name. "Bobby," he said. "Put your hands straight out and to the side." Barry obeyed. As the man used his scanner, Barry saw Sofia step behind the man and brandish her weapon. BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, BEEP BEEP, went the scanner as it passed over Barry's torso. "OK, we've got an infectious email attachment here!!" yelled the man. Right then, a bunch of things happened at once. Barry saw Sofia hit the man on the head with her gun while at the same time Barry felt himself being pushed along with Sofia AND the gruff security man back into the email. Then he saw another man push a button."Oh no!", said Sofia. We're being deleted!"

Tune in next time as our hero learns the answer to a deep philosophical question many have labored to answer: Where does data go once it is deleted?!

2005-04-23T15:02:00.000-05:00

Looking for the purrfect dinner

Green Horned Owl

2005-04-23T14:51:00.000-05:00

----- Original Message -----
From: Suzi Beeman
To: hgallagher
Sent: Wednesday, April 20, 2005 12:18 AM
Subject: something
Well, I wanted to call you and tell you about this, but you haven't seemed home - maybe you went to James' concert or cleaned and went to bed - I hope that you and James and the baby are alright - I am a little worried that maybe we killed you yesterday!

Well, guess what? An owl got Betsy - it was very horrible and I saw it all. It was dusk and the boys [the boys are cats] wouldn’t' come in so I couldn’t get them and hold the dog, so I left the door open and held the dog and thought Betsy [another cat] would be afraid to come out even though I was holding him. I knew the owl was sitting in a tree and had been flying low - I think he was after Patrick and Peter and maybe they were too big, but I kind of doubt it. Betsy ran out and started being very bizarre and calling attention to herself - she ran all over and rolled in the dust out in the middle between the houses and she and Patrick and Peter ran all over the yard chasing each other, even to the trees at the little house - I was yelling and beginning to cry and couldn't get them and then Betsy tore over here and climbed a big tree in the front by where James and Daddy left the first pool load. She would not come down - I think she was after a bird and I was trying to get her down and the owl came flying very fast and low at the tree where she was and it was so fast I am still not sure what really happened - he flew so fast right to her in the tree and somehow got her - there was a terrible noise and scuffle even though the owl was flying the whole time - he grabbed her and she was hanging and I am still not sure if she was in his beak or his feet - I think it was his mouth, but I am not sure...then I thought she dropped but I wasn't sure as it was getting dark and he flew over across the yard to the Trees at the little house and I was screaming and screaming and Jubilee [the dog] ferociously began to chase him - he was flying so low and trying to get back up and then he was gone and so was Betsy - I cried and cried and Daddy finally came out and wanted to know what was the matter - He heard me yelling but thought I was just calling the cats - I got very hysterical because it was so horrible and Daddy went looking - I really didn't want to see Betsy with no head. Later, we looked all over with a flashlight, and suddenly Betsy appeared, no worse for the wear - what a horrible thing - she ran into the porch and was fine although of all things she has wanted out all evening....what a crazy - Peter and Patrick stared at the whole thing in shock as did I! I have never seen anything quite like it before. It was almost kind of beautiful in it's terribleness - I wonder if that is how God is. Anyway, I think I shall never forget the sight of the owl toting Betsy through the air - daddy was kind of surprised I think - he didn't think the owls could really get cats. I think the owl is keeping close watch on the cats - we think it is a great horned owl after reading, but it may be a barred owl - well, what a wild world we live in - I don't think I will let the kittens play outside - if it is barred owl, they even occasionally hunt in the day. They certainly have good eyes and aim - you should have seen it!

Hope that James' concert went well and that you are alright - we bought a weed wacker today and Daddy has been using it and the lawn mower - thanks for all your help - all the time! Mrs. Del Mul told me about a room near Big Sandy that is only 39.95 - but no pool - what do you think? I am still not sure I can do it, but we will see!

Love, to all, (even Solly [our cat] ), Mama beginning to sound like Grandma!

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG Anti-Virus.Version: 7.0.308 / Virus Database: 266.10.2 - Release Date: 4/21/05

Zero Intelligence: They make handcuffs for eight year-olds too

2005-04-23T13:33:00.000-05:00

Zero Intelligence: They make handcuffs for eight year-olds too

2005-04-17T14:08:00.000-05:00

Need a little spice in your life? Click here and then click on the play icon to hear this.

2005-04-14T00:05:00.000-05:00

MSN Encarta - Dictionary - idiot

2005-04-13T18:47:00.000-05:00

When you've gotta tune to the piano, you've got to tune to the piano.

Where the Green Fern Goes

2005-04-11T21:58:00.000-05:00

If you can believe this, someone stole my wife's fern right off the front porch. Gimmie a break. Please just gimmie a break. They could have taken my garden hose. It's worth more! *sigh*

2005-04-11T19:16:00.000-05:00

2005-04-11T19:12:00.000-05:00

2005-04-11T19:02:00.000-05:00

2005-04-08T13:29:00.000-05:00

Tigger Happy - Part 2 of the corny Marsian story

2005-04-03T23:11:00.000-05:00

To continue our Wake up Time story...

Last time we punished ourselves with unedifying reading material our poor little French speaking Martian friend had just been kidnapped and brought to Earth. Poor Barry didn't know the things to come. Poor little Barry just sat there staring in amazement that this dude in the white shirt could speak his language. The man looked very surprised, too! He he said it again: "Bonjour!" "B-b-bbb-Bonjour," said Barry. Then all the men started acting really goofy and talking in another language to one another. They seemed very pleased and happy. One of them left as if on an errand. Barry suddenly realized that he was strapped down into a sort of bed. He started speaking to them. He asked them to remove his bonds. They could not understand, and didn't seem to care anyway. Barry blacked out again for a while. When he awoke, he was in an amazing room, full of the more of the creatures. They looked important. He seemed to be in rolling chair of sorts. There was a kind looking woman creature standing directly to his right. She had a an excited, yet kind smile on her face. She spoke to him in French/Martian and said, "Hi, my name is Sofia, and I will be your translator." She made him feel comfortable, although her lips were way too red. To make a long story short, the the head of the UN (who was basically the head of the Earth, dude) told him through Sofia his translator that he was welcome and blah blah blah blah blah, etc. They told him that that had admired his society for centuries, but didn't want to interrupt it's progress. They told him that they admired the Martian political system, and wanted to employ something similar on this planet. Sleaze bags. This made Barry upset. Sofia accompanied Barry back to his new abode assigned to him. They rode in an amazing little floating vessel. What amazed Barry, were all the holograms (that's what Sofia called them) in the sky to direct motorists. What an amazing city! Once while Sofia was talking to Barry, she put her hand on his arm. This made Barry jump. He had never been touched by one of the creatures. Sofia told him not to be afraid. She told him that she had touched many aliens from many planets, and that she was not afraid. Why did he need to be afraid? Sofia seemed wise and beautiful to Barry. (Even if her lips were way too red) When they got to Barry's new place, Sofia explained that Barry would not be allowed to leave without permission. Barry didn't mind that *too* much, as it was the ritz. "I will be staying here as well, along with the hired help. I will be at your side daily, for your every translating need. Everything from the Prime Minister of the World, to the cook." "Wow Sofia, this is all so amazing. Sofia... I'm afraid. I don't want Earth to imitate the Marsian social system. Does the Prime Minister smoke? I feel so messed up." "Barry, you must trust me. I am on your side. I have a plan to get you out of here. Why do you think we speak the same language? Because you evolutionized from the French. Barry, I want you to be ready to leave at midnight tonight. I will come to your door at that time, and we will leave. You see, I am a spy for the French. France loves you. France hates the UN. We will act unilaterally." "What does that mean, Sofia?" "Never mind that now, Barry. Off to bed...and just in case you need it....take this ray-gun. Only use it if you need to. See you then...." Sofia handed him a REALLY cool laser gun like Barry had heard politicians' children talk about seeing in the movies. Barry went off to his room. Cool place actually. But Barry could not resist TRYING the laser gun. Maybe if he just pointed is at something out the window. It was pretty dark outside. Barry placed his finger on the cold trigger. Slowly he squeezed it, aiming at a dark object. Bvvvvvvweeeeet! A flash of blue light went across the yard outside! "Aaaaaaaa!" Barry could see the form of a creature holding it's hand in pain. SUDDENLY...Laser guns started shooting up at him by the bajillion! "Oh no!", thought Barry. He ducked. Flashes of light illuminated the room. Barry saw sparks everywhere. "Now what?! What am I gonna do? Shoot back? Right then the door opened. Barry aimed his gun in the darkness...

Join us again for another chapter in the life of a trigger happy French speaking Marsian...When our story continues....

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time

2005-04-01T17:31:00.000-06:00

Top 100 April Fool's Day Hoaxes of All Time

(Thank you to Dan for this)

2005-03-31T17:00:00.000-06:00

Easter and hot dogs really *can* go together when you jump out of the ceiling

2005-03-31T15:35:00.000-06:00

Wake up time story

2005-03-30T23:57:00.000-06:00

Well people, it is time to tell you a little story. Grey Poupon and thyme there was a little alien named Barry Green. Barry had a hard life. He was the victim of child labor, for you see, on his planet there were no child labor laws. Barry's daddy would send him off every day to the telescopes where children young and old would scan the skies for sign of hopelessly unlikely life in outer space. "How could such things exist?", Barry would ask himself every day. "How could there be life on planets with so much water, like Earth, for instance?" Yet day after day, little Barry (he could not have been older than 10) would stare out into space until his little eyes would hurt. One day Barry decided to ask his daddy if he could go to school like the children of politicians. Daddy's face grew long -- I mean longer than normal long. Daddy said, "Barry how do you expect me to feed my various addictions? You must serve the family, like I did for my father and he did for my grandfather. We are not politicians, we are mere common people. Besides, maybe you will be the first one to spot humanoids or something, and we will all be rich." Barry did not like this answer. Barry decided it was time for him to leave this planet. Barry did not know that running away from your problems can only complicate them. But Barry wanted to do something big. Barry decided to see if he could build a spaceship. This had never been done before on Barry 's planet. The politicians had cut the space program in fear that extra-terrible life would be indeed found. They feared that if this happened it would make it so that there was no more use for the slavery of the children. This would be bad. Then the children could get an education. Then the common children could grow up and ruin their monopoly on power. Instead, they continued to keep antiquated lenses on the telescopes, and kept many of them busy with manual labor for most of the day. So one night Barry snuck out into the backyard to build himself a rocket. But when he went out in to the dark, there was a spaceship already sitting there casting a shadow in the red sand! Barry thought maybe this was a good sign or something. He entered the vessel slowly and respectfully. But the rocket did not return his respect. Suddenly, it shot off into the sky, without prompting! Barry was scared! Suddenly a crackly voice spoke to him, but he did not understand it. The voice seemed to be saying the same thing a thousand different ways, each of which he did not understand. The voice was way too loud, anyway. Barry looked out the window, and all at once wished that he was back at home feeding his father's addiction. What Barry saw was a planet coming toward him at such an amazing speed that he thought he was dreaming. Closer came the planet. Closer came the blue. Closer came the water! Barry was afraid of water. Water is not good for little green aliens, and Barry knew this. BOOM! came the sound of Barry's impolite craft hitting the water. Barry blacked out. When Barry came to, he saw creatures. He saw creatures very different than he had ever seen. They seemed to be speaking. They looked blurry. Barry was afraid. Suddenly one of the creatures came very close and spoke something very strange to Barry. It sounded like it was trying to greet him. It kept saying unintelligible things like the voice in the spaceship. Among other things, it said noisy things like "HELLOW" and "OLAH." Barry did not care for it's tone. Finally, and amazingly, Barry DID understand something it said: "BOWLZHURE." Wow! It could speak his language!

Find out what happens to poor Barry, the French speaking Marsian, next time...

102.8 Weird Things

2005-03-24T22:24:00.000-06:00

I had to get a new cell phone. My old Nokia phone was shutting off every 5 seconds, and other nonsense. I am now going to rant and rave about various things.Warning: Some language may not be suitable for young cell phone users, or those could care less about the features of their phone.

To start with:

PICTURES FOR ADDRESS BOOK ENTRIES:

Fact: Most people with flip phones use the "open to answer function." This is especially true if you have a flip phone like mine, which has ANOTHER display on the OUTSIDE of the phone, to tell you who is calling. ("Open to answer" means that when you open the phone, it automatically answers the incoming call. You can turn this function on and off.)

Fact: This phone has the option to link a picture with an address book entry.

Now tell me, what is the worth of having a picture linked to an address book entry if you never see it???! There are 2 likely scenarios:

With open to answer turned off:
Phone rings; User looks at outside display and decides whether she/he/it (hereafter referred to as "it") wants to open the phone and answer it; User opens phone and briefly sees the picture which is linked to the address book entry while pressing the green button;

With open to answer turned on:
Phone rings; User looks at outside display and decides whether it wants to open the phone and answer it; User opens phone and pushes the green button, never seeing the picture which is linked to the address book entry.

Get the point??? In both situations It doesn't use the picture to identify the caller, It uses the outside display to identify the caller!

Here is an unlikely scenario, which SOMEONE at Motorola had apparently delusionalised about:

With open to answer turned off:
Phone rings; User either never noticed that there was an outside display, forgets about it while in a reverie about what it would be like to be a human cannonball, or It just sees the value of getting hand exercise by opening the flip to see who it is -- even if it turns out to be someone they didn't want to talk to; User opens phone and sees the picture which is linked to the address book entry; User laughs at how dumb it is; User decides whether to press the green button;

Bummer. I don't have time to write about the 101.8 other weird things about this cell phone and the general lack of logic that cell phone makers have. Maybe another time? Argh.

Oh....A lot of people do dumb things like this on their blog, so here goes.

Here is my Nonsense Run On Sentence of the Day:

I wish that people would quit thinking about why they have to go to work every day and just look at it as a privilege to serve major corporations who provide us with so many things which improve our life on a daily basis and make us all feel special in ways we didn't even know even existed or desisted or withstanded the tests of time and slime and sublime beauteous layers of well meaning stuff that people say just to make us feel better when we are down or up or just loitering about as though we were wondering what the meaning of life is even though we really do know what it is and just don't want to pop their's or their friend's bubbles.

Thank you for your quite sacrificial readership. Believe me, there is no better way to spend/sacrifice your time.

Jallagher Games

2005-03-12T23:12:00.000-06:00

James Gallagher is a busy person:

Things I have been up to lately...(Click on each of them for details)

Getting mega-shunned Celebrating St. Patrick's day Playing soccer Playing football in Australia Becoming a Doctor Doctoring AND boxing Going missing Going deaf -- and blind Commiting fraud Going insane Commiting treason

OK, so very funny, right? But here's the point, google has made me lose my sense of identity. When I searched for myself, I realized that I wasn't the only James Gallagher out there. It is scary. It makes me feel kind of like...not unique. If you have an even half-way common name, you should try this. It is quite a reality check. There is this strange urge to compare myself to all of them, to kind of see how I measure up against all those other James Gallaghers. Some of them I am tempted to covet, others I am tempted to look down on. For some, I feel sympathy, others, I feel of a sense of shame to even share their name. This is can be somewhat disturbing.

But...um, it's still mooing

2005-03-07T22:26:00.000-06:00

Hope and I went out to Culpepper for our 8 month anniversary. It was our first time there, and we are not wont to haunt upscale steakhouses on a regular basis. You will understand my wife's surprise then, when the waiter told her to cut into the steak right then and there. "Ma'am, would you cut into your steak please?" "What?", Hope replied. He had really put her on the spot, unexpectedly. "Yes. Would you please cut into your steak and see that it is to your liking?" My wife is not that type. First of all, she is not that picky. Secondly, she would not think of cutting a steak in front of the whole restaurant, and sending it back to the kitchen to be simmered to her preferred perfection. "Oh. No -- I'm sure it's fine. Thank you.", she stammered gently." As soon as he was gone, it was all both of us could do to keep from breaking into laughter. I guess we still have a lot of learning to do about upscale dining. The question is, do we want to learn it?

Thank You For Not Joking

2005-03-02T18:12:00.000-06:00

I think that the world would be a better place if people who have a voice mail box, but hate voice mail boxes, and intentionally never check their messages, would simply call up their wireless company and have the voice mail turned off. (You really CAN do that, you know.) I'm not talking about the people who check their voice mail once in a while. I am talking about the people who have NEVER checked their voice mail, and forgot they had one. You see, it is really annoying to call up someone and leave them a detailed voice message, which goes into a black hole somewhere. I have some friends who have this black hole voice mail syndrome, who nonchalantly admit to having never checked their messages. Sometimes I feel like calling up their voice mail and saying a bunch of goofy things -- maybe do a Ed Norton imitation, and sing My Country Tis of Thee in a minor key? Maybe I could start an audio blog, on their voice mail. Maybe I could use it to spill all those things I never have told anyone. Maybe I could... Hmmm... Maybe this post will provoke them to check their voice mail. Not necessarily good.

Fake a new friend

2005-02-28T21:35:00.000-06:00

OK people, I have found the ultimate in entertainment. This is so cool. Check it out.

http://www.makingfiends.com/

(I can't vouch for clean content, but so far, very clean--not to mention totally belly-laughing hilarious.)

2005-02-28T17:23:00.000-06:00

2005-02-27T01:48:00.000-06:00

2005-02-24T22:26:00.000-06:00

I always draw modern art when I am feeling disturbed, or alone. I just found this on my hard disk from years ago. Do you like it? If so, I am really worried about you.

2005-02-21T22:47:00.000-06:00

Too tired to practice.

"Good energy" crisis, dude

2005-02-21T20:11:00.000-06:00

My wife's parents are moving out of their rent home down the street from us. We moved here to be near them, but I guess they didn't like us. Just kidding. Actually, they are moving to this other place out in the boonies because the rent is very low. Actually, low = free. Not kidding.

Hope's parents are nice people. Their family has a certain warmth. On my way home from work today, I drove past their nearly empty house. I started to daydream about the next people who would move in. You see, it's not really a great neighborhood we live in (although my dear wife hates for me to say that), so I imagine the people who would move in would be creeps like most of the people in this neighborhood. I got thinking...You know how when nice people live somewhere, even if they move out, they leave "good vibes" behind? You know, like there is a warm feeling of "this is a nice place" which seems to have seeped right into the architecture. Okay, I know I sound really new agey, but haven't you ever noticed that to be true? Like you are helping a really nice friend of yours move, and just as you take out the last box you take one last look. Even if you have few or no memories of that person's house, you can sense the warmth. This also works both ways, as far as "bad vibes," ya know.

Anyway, back to the creeps who might move in. My daydream consisted of a female and 2 males, all in their twenties. The extras in the scene are their addict buddies. Everyone is wearing black, although some have disturbing, faint designs on their shirts which are in gray, maroon, and more gray. They are all walking into the house for the first time. The female has hair dyed a dark puke red. She looks around as if taking in the room and speaks in a soft, new agey, peace-out kinda voice to male #1: "Ya know... This place has a good feeeeeling. Ya know what I mean, dude? There's like, good energy here." Male #1 says, "Yeah. I'm with you." Female: Yeah. It's like...safe here, man." Male #2 bursts into the room: "Why aren't you people helping unload?" Female loses it: "BOBBYYYYYYYYYY!", she yells in an unimaginably horrid growl, which sounds like somebody has the distortion pedal to the metal..."YOUR RUINING THE GOODY EN-ER-GYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYyyyyyyyyyy!"

Her voice trails off slowly in my mind, until it becomes only a faint, yet chilling moan.

Villain Teacher

2005-02-18T22:25:00.000-06:00

One of my very sweet violin students drew me a very nice picture, and I thought I should share what she wrote with it:

"Danell and Mr. G are rock stars. I like you. You are the best villan teacher."

2005-02-18T20:51:00.000-06:00

"Just look at that awesome paint job". [strokes vehicle gently]

2005-02-18T20:47:00.000-06:00

This is my brand spanking new 1975 Toyota pickup. I bought it for $600 on Thursday. Flashy, huh? It features a manual transmission, a deluxe non-opening rear window, a tailgate with heavy duty treasure chest style clamps to open and close it (who needs those modern easy-open handles?), and lastly, it features a grossly mis-aimed windshield wiper fluid sprayer which sprays all the way back in to the bed of the pick-up!!!

Bloggiest

2005-02-18T20:14:00.000-06:00

My wife and cat just created a couple of really nice blogs. Check 'em out:

http://hopisblog.blogspot.com/

http://solomonsblog.blogspot.com/

2005-02-18T01:56:00.000-06:00

2005-02-14T23:32:00.000-06:00

I LOVE MY WIFE! (In case you couldn't tell.)

2005-02-14T23:22:00.000-06:00

I know. I don't deserve her. But she is my valentine, forever!