Tuesday, August 22, 2006

Instruments, players separated by air security rules�|�Oddly Enough�|�Reuters.com

Jobs on your car no one else will do

Cold News Agency - The Department of "I miss the Homeland" Security has released a new study which shows the benefits to ordinary Americans when illegal Mexican immigrants drive without insurance or with fake insurance cards. The study followed what were gingerly referred to by the Department as "500 moist-backs" which were tracked through extensive cell phone eavesdropping in a joint effort with the NSA. "First off, we just want to highlight the benefit to us all when illegals use the money that they could have used to buy car insurance to buy cell phones and ground effects for their 1983 Monte Carlos," said Department spokeswoman Pam Nesty. "Number one, we can spot them a mile away. Number two, we can eavesdrop on their calls."

In this study, the illegals' driving habits and the benefits to hard working American citizens were examined with astonishing results. The study showed that 9 times out of 10 there is less traffic stoppage in the event of an collision when Hispanic illegals flee the scene of an accident they cause. "Look at it this way: One banged up car in the middle of the road is better than two." said Nesty. "At least the traffic can get through." Even environmentalists were on the list of those benefited as the study showed that many illegal Latinos print their fake insurance cards on recycled paper.

Another item of interest in this groundbreaking research was that the fact that illegal Mexicans often offer up-front cash in recompense for an accident for which they were at fault. Betsy Sue Lee in El Paso recounts her moving story in a documented interview in the study: "I was wondering where our car insurance payment was gonna come from. My husband lost his job to an illegal with a fake Social Security number and our car insurance was about to be terminated when here comes this drunken Mexican illegal immigrant running the stop sign and broadsiding my truck. But what an answer to prayer it was when he offered me $100 up front for the damage. That's just $50 short of our insurance payment! Just wait 'til I tell my husband."

The contents of this article are in no way meant to keep from offending anyone and certainly haven't an ounce of truth to them. If you or anyone else misconstrues this article as being meant to even remotely represent a warped version of the truth or a bizarre actual happening, you may need your head examined. Generous donations are accepted.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

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